He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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