From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
