he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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