jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
