I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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