I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
