last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
