That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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