saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
sex in a hospital.. check
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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