that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
