Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
