the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My feet surprised me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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