If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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