why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
