So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
