so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
