I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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