i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
