Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
