Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
