quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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