ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
