you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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