You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
