I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The uberlube is also flammable
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
