My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize