Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
