You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry about my life...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
