you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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