I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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