Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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