So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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