I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
