Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
