dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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