It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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