i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
