kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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