dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
