omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
