My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
