sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
