I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
