I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We had sex on a dog bed..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
