very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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