the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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