Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
