I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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