I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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