i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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