I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
NoShamevember. You game?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
