Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
