You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
