M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
