I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
