I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
