I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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