if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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