Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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