ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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