Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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