So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
