I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
