Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
