Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
