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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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