You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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