but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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