Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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