i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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