Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
