Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
