You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
