She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
