I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
