I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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