Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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