News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
