Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
