well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
