I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
