Where is the hickey?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
