Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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