yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
