Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize